How to Drive Texas Friendly…

drivinggalsHere are tips on HOW TO DRIVE TEXAS FRIENDLY! They aren’t hard to do, they aren’t difficult to remember, and they make the traffic flow like honey on a hot day. Trust me…

What Lane Should I Choose?

  1. If you are NOT driving the speed limit, you should NOT be in the left lane.
    • On a three lane situation highway situation, the far left lane is for PASSING, the middle lane is for driving the speed limit, and the right lane is for driving SLOOOOOW or prepping for a right turn.
    • On a two lane highway with traffic moving in opposite directions, if you are NOT driving the speed limit, it is imperative that you pay attention to the vehicles behind you. If there is one behind you, when you can see there is clear path ahead move over to the shoulder so the vehicle can pass you. USE YOUR BLINKER. WATCH for cyclists, pedestrians, animals, etc…
    • If you are being PASSED on the RIGHT, this means YOU are an IDIOT.
    • If you are PASSING someone and YOU are driving on the shoulder, this means YOU are an IDIOT.

How to use your damn INDICATORS (blinkers to non-natives):

  1. If someone is using their indicators in order to let you know that they need to move over, LET THEM DO SO. This is not a sign that you should speed up thereby making it impossible for them to merge safely. If you do that… YOU are an IDIOT.
  2. When there is a sign indicating the lane will be ending this does NOT mean SPEED forward recklessly ignoring every vehicle that is trying to allow you to merge in safely.
    • If you do this… YOU are an IDIOT and should not expect ANYONE to let you in at the front of the traffic.
    • If you choose to put on your indicator and merge when possible… YOU are AWESOME!
    • If you allow someone with their indicator on to merge safely before the lane ends… YOU ROCK!!
  3. If you are not INDICATING you need to move into another lane, turn your indicators OFF. Otherwise… YOU look like an IDIOT!

Someone just followed one of the above rules; what do you do?

  1. Thank baby Jesus that it happened at all. Then give a solid wave. Make sure ALL fingers are visible. Do NOT due what I did once…
    • A gentleman let me take a left even though he had the right of way. I was going to give him a thumbs up. However, that is not my typical go to hand signal while driving. I literally broke a sweat trying to figure out how to override my right hand’s muscle memory. I did achieve the appropriate thumb’s up signal, but I had to listen to my friend’s hysterical laughter. Even the other driver figured out what my issue was… I was the IDIOT!

What to do regarding lights and siren situations:

  1. Cops- decide if they are coming for you.
    • If they are, pull over to the right, turn off your vehicle, and keep your hands open palmed  at 10 and 2 (like a clock) on the steering wheel. Put out your cigarette in a container- don’t flick it out!! EVER!!
    • If you are a sociopath, you could choose to run which puts everyone else in danger, but you don’t care… YOU’RE an IDIOT!
    • If they aren’t, pull over to the right until they pass.
  2. Funeral processions- Pull over to the right until they pass. Even if they are on the other side of the road. It’s called RESPECT, y’all.
  3. Ambulances/Firetrucks- DEFINITELY pull over to the right. If we do this for the dead, be sure to do it for the trying not to die!!

Animals- turtles crossing the road, dogs, kittens, any of them:

  1. HELP THEM be safe. If not, You are an IDIOT!!







The Real Danger

Read this if you want your mind blown:

This article, videos proving this is happening, and seeing it every day causes me to have great concern regarding the future of our nation.

More and more incidents of students rising up in outrage over PERCEIVED “hurts” are occurring. Look at Yale’s “Shrieking Girl” incident over HALLOWEEN COSTUMES.

I have seen this attitude developing over the last 11 years of being an educator.

Two of my favorite classes were about “taboo” subject matter. One was Political Science “Ethnicity, Race, and Gender” in which we had lively discussions/debates regarding ALL forms of racism; the roles women should have in combat and male dominated fields; the statistics on the differences in sentencing based on gender, race, and ethnicity; and so on. We had a great class with many points of view. We did not always,  agree with each other.

Another was a philosophy class about the death penalty, human euthanasia, and abortion. We had to be able to argue from a “for” stance one day and the “against” opinion the next. I remember one girl getting so mad that she couldn’t “win” a debate with me on either side of a topic, because her religious belief system made her so rigid in her thinking. Tears don’t win debates.

Another class I took was called Animals in Society. LOVED it. We were graded by classmates on presentations we gave. Luckily, those grades were not weighed into our class grades. I gave a presentation on the Truth about the American Pitbull. I was given a couple of D’s (students) and an F (by a pre-vet student)  simply because “they hated Pitbulls”. These people had NEVER been around the dogs. The pre-vet student had NEVER been around them, but felt they should “all get a bullet”. I received a 99 on the project from my professor, by the way.

The topics were HOT and people felt strongly about them. But the discussions were civil and opened some minds to another way of looking at things. I wonder if these classes are still offered at this point. College is the place these and MORE topics like them are SUPPOSED to be discussed to help you be exposed to more ideas, beliefs, ways of thinking. It is why some are prerequisites as they help in forming WELL ROUNDED THINKERS!

It appears in our world of fear mongering versus fluff news, bipartisan politics, and sissyfication of our children that LEARNING is a dangerous “trigger”. This I find truly frightening

Muslims and Misconceptions

One of my favorite people was Hakim. He was my supervisor at a State Park here in Texas. We had long discussions about racism, religion, oppression and everything between. He was a black Muslim man in his late 40’s, and I am a white woman without organized religious affiliation who was 28 at the time.

Hakim had grown up with his family attending services led by Malcolm X. His family left when Farrakhan picked up the reins of leadership Hakim was insightful, quick witted, and very kind. We discussed the the oppression of women due to religious rhetoric. We discussed the fear his family had at the change of leadership which drove them from the North to the far South. We discussed everything. Then cancer took him far too quickly.

I am sharing this story, because Hakim was a wonderful man who happened to be a Muslim. He was not an extremist, did ot try to take advantage of me, was a good father, and a loving husband.

Saying all Muslims are extremists that want to kill everyone else is the same as saying all white American males are all Timothy McVeys, all white women are Susan Atkins, insert other ridiculous over generalizations here…

I love that her program used EDUCATION and passages from the Qu’ran to bring change to people’s lives. We could use the same strategy here in the states using the good ole King James Bible to highlight the amazing roles of women (versus that darn Eve that brought all the troubles to mankind… maybe Adam should have manned up and said NO to that apple).

IGNORANCE is IGNORANCE no matter what religion you follow, the color of your skin, or gender you have. Instead of blindly following what you see on the “News” (try BBC News for actual unbiased news reporting), what your particular religious “leader” has told you, or what your good buddies at the j.o.b., try investigating through various channels. Compare the teachings of Muhammad to those of Jesus, speak to as many people as you can from various backgrounds (without forcing your opinions on them), learn about the many different religions based on the Bible to give you insight on how maybe, just maybe, extremists may have twisted the teachings of the Qu’ran, and learn about how many people and cultures were devastated by the Crusades. Then ask yourself if fear and ignorance were clouding your perspective. Were they causing you to make ignorant comments about every person in a particular religious group, country, or gender.
Education, compassion, and empathy are the keys to turning our world around. Be part of that change.

Wrong Lady, Wrong Day, Sir!

Dear pretentious dickwad who parked his big ole Yukon all caterwampus up in my parking space,


That’s right, I said it to your face. Did you really think screaming and cussing at me would make me submit to your demands? Big scary man. I could rip your penis off with my pinky toe and feed it down your earhole. Yes, your penis must be that small to cause you to try to intimidate a woman under 5′ tall.

Oh, yeah, I was dressed for court so you must have missed the various multi-decades old ink indicating I have been around a while, and maybe part of a world that you didn’t know existed. Stupid of you really. Being 44, I am probably twice your age and was with my step-momma who isn’t as physically intimidating as my 6’4″ husband. For some reason, I don’t think you would have had the cajones to speak to me like you did had he been with me.

But you didn’t know…

That I have the super power of years of pent up rage on my side. I can take it up a whole three ‘nother levels without breaking a sweat, and tell you that if you don’t like how I’m responding then maybe you need to check YOURSELF. See, I was celebrating the unheard of granting of LIFETIME PROTECTIVE ORDERS, which are virtually unheard of, especially without a fight. But I’m a scrapper, and who I was up against has found that out the hard way. Once physically and now mentally. So you didn’t realize that when you continued yelling at me to give you my insurance card for a scratch as long as my pinky fingernail, and just as thick that cost you $200 to fix last time, and this is a BRAND NEW VEHICLE. Bitch, my Jeep has no scratches and is a year old. Why? ‘Cause I don’t park like a douche. See, my lil ole 2 door Wrangler was between the lines exactly (OCD a bit), and to the curb in front. It is physically impossible for me to have scratched the back door of your stupid Yukon. When I pointed out I had no black paint on my door, that it was impossible for that damage to occur and the “thonk” you heard was my door hitting your fucking side-mirror you tucked back so as to be able to squeeze your punk ass between the vehicles (which there was NO damage to) you couldn’t take it like a man.

Instead, you chose to threaten me with calling the cops and reporting me as a HIT AND RUN DRIVER!! FUCK YOU, we called the cops ourselves. Oh, all of a sudden you were too busy to deal and had food on your table? We let the cop know after we apologized for wasting his time. Said officer wasn’t so thrilled that you were so busy. He also thought your claim was bullshit. I explained if I had damaged your vehicle, we would have traded info, sang campfire songs, and kissed like Europeans. But no way was I paying some crazy deductible for a $5 paint touch up (less if I have a Sharpie in the bottom of my purse). He noticed and commented that most parking lots use painted stripes indicating the correct space to park in and that you could be ticketed. He calmly looked at the “damaged” spot you had clearly marked in a ring through the dust, licked his fingertip, and wiped it off. I almost fell over laughing. He even smiled with a twinkle in his eye. Then you came out…

He got serious again and asked you to show him the damage. It was great watching you struggle to do so mumbling to yourself, “uh, it was uh, um… wait a…” and even BETTER when he explained you couldn’t find it because he wiped it off with spit. HA!!! He then told us, “Ladies, y’all may leave and have a nice afternoon.” You’re so douche that you thought you were included in that as well. The officer had to sternly tell you to come back to him, because he wasn’t done with you.

Next time maybe you might think twice before picking a fight that you stand NO chance of coming out the victor. You may have been physically larger, but I have the stature of a goddess. I also don’t put up with bullies, and am done “playing nicer” after many years. Speak with respect and you will receive it. Act like a punk, and I will show you to be the coward you are.

Hope you had some lube in that Yukon,

Lil ole Me