How to Drive Texas Friendly…

drivinggalsHere are tips on HOW TO DRIVE TEXAS FRIENDLY! They aren’t hard to do, they aren’t difficult to remember, and they make the traffic flow like honey on a hot day. Trust me…

What Lane Should I Choose?

  1. If you are NOT driving the speed limit, you should NOT be in the left lane.
    • On a three lane situation highway situation, the far left lane is for PASSING, the middle lane is for driving the speed limit, and the right lane is for driving SLOOOOOW or prepping for a right turn.
    • On a two lane highway with traffic moving in opposite directions, if you are NOT driving the speed limit, it is imperative that you pay attention to the vehicles behind you. If there is one behind you, when you can see there is clear path ahead move over to the shoulder so the vehicle can pass you. USE YOUR BLINKER. WATCH for cyclists, pedestrians, animals, etc…
    • If you are being PASSED on the RIGHT, this means YOU are an IDIOT.
    • If you are PASSING someone and YOU are driving on the shoulder, this means YOU are an IDIOT.

How to use your damn INDICATORS (blinkers to non-natives):

  1. If someone is using their indicators in order to let you know that they need to move over, LET THEM DO SO. This is not a sign that you should speed up thereby making it impossible for them to merge safely. If you do that… YOU are an IDIOT.
  2. When there is a sign indicating the lane will be ending this does NOT mean SPEED forward recklessly ignoring every vehicle that is trying to allow you to merge in safely.
    • If you do this… YOU are an IDIOT and should not expect ANYONE to let you in at the front of the traffic.
    • If you choose to put on your indicator and merge when possible… YOU are AWESOME!
    • If you allow someone with their indicator on to merge safely before the lane ends… YOU ROCK!!
  3. If you are not INDICATING you need to move into another lane, turn your indicators OFF. Otherwise… YOU look like an IDIOT!

Someone just followed one of the above rules; what do you do?

  1. Thank baby Jesus that it happened at all. Then give a solid wave. Make sure ALL fingers are visible. Do NOT due what I did once…
    • A gentleman let me take a left even though he had the right of way. I was going to give him a thumbs up. However, that is not my typical go to hand signal while driving. I literally broke a sweat trying to figure out how to override my right hand’s muscle memory. I did achieve the appropriate thumb’s up signal, but I had to listen to my friend’s hysterical laughter. Even the other driver figured out what my issue was… I was the IDIOT!

What to do regarding lights and siren situations:

  1. Cops- decide if they are coming for you.
    • If they are, pull over to the right, turn off your vehicle, and keep your hands open palmed  at 10 and 2 (like a clock) on the steering wheel. Put out your cigarette in a container- don’t flick it out!! EVER!!
    • If you are a sociopath, you could choose to run which puts everyone else in danger, but you don’t care… YOU’RE an IDIOT!
    • If they aren’t, pull over to the right until they pass.
  2. Funeral processions- Pull over to the right until they pass. Even if they are on the other side of the road. It’s called RESPECT, y’all.
  3. Ambulances/Firetrucks- DEFINITELY pull over to the right. If we do this for the dead, be sure to do it for the trying not to die!!

Animals- turtles crossing the road, dogs, kittens, any of them:

  1. HELP THEM be safe. If not, You are an IDIOT!!

 

 

 

 

 

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